Years ago we went with my brother to his church. I asked him to ignore me until I found him in the sanctuary and sat down. I wanted to see how the church treated guests so I could learn how to better treat our guests. I walked in after my brother’s family had entered. I stood in the lobby looking at the signage and did my best to appear to be new and lost. dozens of people milled about all around me. They greeted each other and seemed to be very warm and welcoming... to each other. I stood alone... very alone. As the service start time drew closer and closer, the lobby began to trickle into the main sanctuary. At one point there were less than 5 people in the lobby. I thought for sure someone would say something since it was becoming more and more obvious that I was there and needed help. One of the pastors came walking quickly though the lobby. It was obvious he had something important to do. I imagined if anyone in the church had a reason to greet me, it was the pastor. He looked at me, waved, and said, “Hey man! It’s good to see you again.” He ran past. I said nothing to him. I had never met him before. Another couple minutes went by and an usher came up to me and said, “You need to get inside the sanctuary!” I ended my observation and found my brother. It was a massive failure. I was treated so poorly I would have never even bothered to make it past the lobby if I was truly alone and looking for a church. I would have just left. So what can we learn from this?
First, you need to greet your guests right away! They shouldn’t wait 2 minutes or in my case, 20 minutes. You may need to train your greeters to point out the guests to your members. Or train your greeters to have people that can take over their job so they can follow the guest in for a more in depth greeting.
Next, you need to be alert to people who are looking lost, staring at your signage, or reading things that are specifically for your guests like a welcome center. This church had great stuff. They had great signage to point me towards coffee, nurseries, bathrooms, and information. They had TV screens with announcements on them. They had literature designed for me as a guest. All those things are important but the most important thing you need are people to love on people. This church had all the right stuff, but it was completely wasted because they never made the welcoming experience personal. If you are a small church and you can’t afford TVs for a big greeting team or your building doesn’t have fancy signage, be encouraged. Focus on your best asset, your people. Train them to notice new people and love them.
Last, I want to encourage you to slow down. The worst part of my experience was not the lack of people talking to me. It was the pastor who rushed past me and pretended like he knew me. The priority is to make sure you are prepared so you are not running around. The next best thing is to not run around. If you are late or people have to cover for you, it’s better not to rush. It’s not that rushing is bad; it‘s that you don’t want to ignore people. Slow down and take your time and say hello to people. Disney has a priority they teach all their cast members or employees on how to handle situations. The most important thing for Disney is to make the environment safe. No cast member will ever be written up for being late to their post if they were distracted making something safe. Next is to help guests. No cast member will be written up if they were late because they were helping a guest. Those are great priorities to adopt in the church!
It should be obvious, but I will say it anyways. Don’t pretend to know people. You can say things like “you look familiar. Have we met?” But don’t pretend to be friends. I know why pastors do this. It’s because we take a significant about of criticism if we don’t remember people’s names and initiate friendliness. I was once ridiculed for not waving at someone. I asked when it was and they said I was walking and they were driving past me. It did not matter that I couldn’t see them. After that, I began waving at all the cars in the church parking lot, regardless if I could see the person. I wish I could say this criticism only happened once, but I have been criticized several times for ignoring people I was unable to even see! All of this creates a false sense of community. Our pastors have been pressured to perform and are rewarded for pretending to be friendly like saying, “hi guy” and are punished for authenticity like “forgive me, I have forgotten your name.” We need to end this cycle! And pastors, we need to not pretend.
